I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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