I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
