What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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