I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
