we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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