He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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