i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
