Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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