he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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