i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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