It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
