mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
