I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize