We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
