we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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