Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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