i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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