i permit you to call me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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