i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
