how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
