thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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