Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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