I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
