I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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