You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
