we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
