im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
