Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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