The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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