Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
