I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
