I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
