Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
