I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
