My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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