i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
