hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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