I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
