What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
