Plan B is the new Plan A
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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