Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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