Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize