So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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