You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
