I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
