Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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