Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
