And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
