I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
