i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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