Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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