what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My cat gives me a boner
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
