Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
two words: eviction party
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
