Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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