Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The beer is more important than you right now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
