you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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