what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
