Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
