Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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