I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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