i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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