yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
