K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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