Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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