So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
