oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize