Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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