apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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